10 acts that can can lead you to lasting love

Your daily experiences can mold you towards having the best or the worst relationships ever. How do you learn to love people? There are numerous examples but there are only a few ways to build long lasting relationships.

Dr. Lynda Klau of YourTango lists some of these indispensable tips ( they were written with romantic relationships in mind, but with a little modification you can apply them to your friendships, family, and even work relationships):

1. Create a safe environment where you can trust and share openly without fear: Don’t interrupt, even if you need to put your hand over your mouth to stop yourself. Learn to fight fairly. No name calling. Don’t make threats. Apologize when you know you should. If you’re too angry to really listen, stop! Go into another room, take space for yourself, breathe, and calm down. Remember: your partner is not the enemy.

2. Separate the facts from the feelings: What beliefs and feelings get triggered in you during conflicts? Ask yourself: Is there something from my past that is influencing how I’m seeing the situation now? The critical question you want to ask: Is this about him or her, or is it really about me? What’s the real truth?Once you’re able to differentiate facts from feelings, you’ll see your partner more clearly and be able to resolve conflicts from clarity.

3. Connect with the different parts of yourself: Each of us is not a solo instrument. We’re more like a choir or an orchestra with several voices. What is your mind saying? What is your heart saying? What is your body saying? What is your “gut” saying? For example: My mind is saying “definitely leave her,” but my heart says “I really love her.” Let these different voices or parts of you co-exist and speak to one another. In this way, you will find an answer that comes from your whole self.

4. Develop compassion: Practice observing yourself and your partner without judging. Part of you might judge, but you don’t have to identify with it. Judging closes a door. The opposite of judging is compassion. When you are compassionate, you are open, connected, and more available to dialoguing respectfully with your partner. As you increasingly learn to see your partner compassionately, you will have more power to choose your response rather than just reacting.

5. Create a “we” that can house two “I’s.”: The foundation for a thriving, growing, mutually supportive relationship is being separate, yet connected. In co-dependent relationships, each person sacrifices part of him or herself — compromising the relationship as a whole. When you are separate and connected, each individual “I” contributes to creating a “we” that is stronger than the sum of its parts.

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