Feeling unappreciated? Here are 5 steps to getting the love you deserve

Ever felt like the people you do things for never appreciate them no matter how you do actually try.

Sometimes we fail to appreciate our partners efforts towards making the relationship a success and totally stop showing them how much we care. It’s even worse if you are at the receiving end this under-appreciated efforts, feels terrible right?

Elizabeth Stone of YourTango lists a few ways to get your partner to show you more appreciation:

1. Depersonalize It: Work on this from the stance that they’re on your side and actually want to make you happy but — for whatever reason — can’t. That’s a much more fixable situation than if you decide they don’t love you or care about your happiness anymore. Often we experience a lack of appreciation in our relationship not because the other person doesn’t appreciate us but because both people are busy, comfortable and/or aren’t great at showing their feelings. We often put the people closest to us through the most grief because we think, They already know how I feel. Not so. That’s why it’s important to take a step back and think about the other circumstances in your lives. Are you busy? Have you and your partner been using your time and energy to invest in your relationship? All these circumstantial things can result in both of you neglecting to take the time to acknowledge the other person’s efforts. Obviously, there’s a big difference between they’re “so busy their head could spin” and they “don’t care about you anymore”. It’s important not to take it personally when circumstances aren’t ideal.

2. Think About Your Own Behavior: When we want something in our relationships, sometimes it works well to mirror the thing we want to receive. If you want your partner to say thank you, make sure that you’re saying it yourself. Don’t fall into the trap of withholding your own appreciation because the other person has made you feel unappreciated. Remember that you can’t get what you need by denying someone else what they need. Make sure you’re noticing the things that your partner does for you and going out of your way to mention it and draw attention to how much it means to you. People often rise to your idealized treatment of them, but this cuts both ways. If you expect them to act shabbily toward you, you’ll often find ways to backup your expectations. I’m not saying to start trying too hard, I’m suggesting you make sure you’re showing them your own appreciation by verbalizing it out loud. Sometimes when we’re lacking in our relationship, we fail to recognize that we aren’t putting out what we want to receive — potentially because we’re clueless, but also sometimes because we’re keeping score.

3. Cut The Bitterness: It’s so easy to get jaded in your relationship when it feels like things aren’t going well. Unfortunately, when you allow it, bitterness creates a spiral where your partner stops doing things for you because you react bitterly, then they pull back more, and more bitterness results from that. Sooner or later, this gets out of hand, and eventually both people feel disheartened about the future. Recognize when you’re hurt and angry because when you ignore those feelings, the resulting bitterness will drive the other person even further away.

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